Darkness was stretching all across the sky. It seemed as if the night was also awake. With her long, black, snake-like tresses beaded with small twinkling stars, she was gaping at Sandhya with blood-red eyes. Sandhya, miserable and alone in her bed, was feebly trying to comb the rough and tangled hair of the night. She wanted to recline, cuddle into the arms of a deep slumber; but the golden dust of sleep was eluding her. Malini’s words were echoing like refrain in her ears. “Words like ‘love’, ‘marriage’ and ‘family’ hold no meaning for us.”
No! She never thought of marrying or raising a family with Bhargava, but she loved him. She loved him from the depths of her heart. Perhaps, that was the reason why she could not bear him sleeping with anyone else. But she could not object to him sleeping with his wife or even going to some other brothel. She was helpless.
Suddenly, she had a strange thought. What if she were not what she is? What if he had met her in different circumstances? Then, would he have accepted her love? Would she have had any right on him? Perhaps, yes!
Her eyelids grew heavy with dreams. Once again, she got engrossed in her own thoughts. But, her line of thoughts broke when the shrill honking of a car on the road brought her imaginations to an abrupt end. All her dreams got shattered and soiled her eyelashes.
“Why am I here? Why can’t I dream? Why can’t I live like other women? If I was destined to be here, then why did God place this filth named heart inside me? Why can’t I detach this ominous organ from my body? Why, I wonder why?”
She burst into speechless tears. Her bosom was getting heavier and heavier each moment. These questions, these thoughts were scorching her. Unable to bear this pain any longer, she got up and moved towards the bathroom to wash her face.
There she found Kaya. Holding her belly carefully, as if trying to protect the life inside, she was having bouts of vomiting. Her eyes looked like two small pools of saline water. After some time, when she felt a little better, she splashed some water on her face and turned to move. Sandhya was still standing there. Avoiding an eye contact with her, Kaya quietly slipped away.
“Poor girl!” Sandhya said inwardly as she turned back to her room without washing her face, “What has she done to herself? At such a young age, she’s facing such vicissitudes. What’s her fault, after all? Simply that she was born here! No, it can’t be that! If Sharada were alive today, she probably won’t have undergone such tortures. It’s all because of Malini di. She’s nobody’s friend! She just lusts after money.”
Sandhya covered herself with a blanket, as if trying to mock the sleep. But somewhere, in the other corner of the brothel, there was someone else too, who was combating hard with the night to snatch a handful of sleep from her hands.
It was Malini. Hiding her face in her knees, she was sitting in the darkest spot that she could find in the house.
“I know what they think of me. I’m fully aware of that. Yes, I’m nobody’s friend. Perhaps, that’s the reason why I’m so alone. I never allowed any of them to come too close to me, and I never will. I don’t want anyone to sympathise with me. I want to be hated, despised. I hate to be loved,” Malini was engaged in measuring the shadows of the night with her swollen eyes. Suddenly, she found the shadows getting darker and darker. Slowly and gradually, they came over her and devoured her completely. Malini was now in the dark caves of past; its walls were painted with certain disfigured images of her cold years.
‘Love!’ There was a time when this small word meant the whole world to her. What all she did for it, only she knew. She spent sleepless nights, weaved golden dreams in the texture of silk, blushed for hours in front of the mirror. Not only that, she even fought with her family, left her parents, and eloped with him. But, what did he do her? He left her here, in the midst of these hounds, never to return back.
“Just what we see on the other side of this road,” she smiled distastefully, “First they feed the lamb, give it all the love and care, and then slay him. And the poor creature hardly has any idea what is going to happen to him here. He gets to know only when the knife begins to filch his life from his hands.”
She heaved a sigh and said to herself, “Love! There’s no word as illusory and deceptive as this. And, I don’t want any of them to be misled by it. I know, I’m rude, heartless, insensitive. I exploit them all, force them to demean their soul, so that I can make money out of it. But, at least, I’m honest to myself and to them. They know they are being exploited. I’m not like the world beyond this doorsill, which cheats you, takes advantage of you; and you get to know only when you find yourself in ruins.”
Justifying her stand to those mysterious shadows, Malini kept on wounding her fingers, digging deep the fissures in her life.
This was truly a long night. Everyone was waiting for the golden sun to smile. But, Kaya! Day or night, nothing mattered to her. She just wanted Ehsaan to come back and take her away from this cobweb.
 


                                                                                                                 To be continued ......