Her husband had died peacefully in his sleep: the message had been sent across to their two daughters and three sons and also to their seven grandchildren working all over the globe.  

All their children came running and two of their grandchildren had also made it to his final yatra! 

She was the only one who was struck with genuine grief and others seemed to have taken the news a bit more bravely!

‘He was above seventy-five and was not keeping well for a long time now…’

‘All through the day my mother would rush at his beck and call at this age…’

One of her daughters said this!

‘Papa must have suffered a lot and at least now that…’ 

Of course, nobody had said anything bluntly that as their father was old and diseased, it was agreeable that he was dead now…well, god bless him and let us round off his chapter and get on with our lives! It is what they did not say that had made her very sad! 

She smiled at the irony of it all!

Theirs was an arranged marriage. Who could have dared to even think of the love marriage in those days, decades & decades ago! She was sixteen years or was she twelve years old at that time? She did not understand the full meaning of the marriage ceremony, she had done whatever she was told to do by the priest and had entered into her husband’s home, becoming a shadow of her husband! 

She still remembers her mild and gentle mother-in-law, her aristocratic father-in-law and the wonderful womenfolk of the house. The women were never allowed to go out of the house except on rare occasions, and hence, they became very close, talking and working together and when their men folk were not around their home, they had even laughed a bit loudly, chided each other, and were generally quite content in leading a calm and peaceful life within the four walls! 

She had loved her husband very dearly: she was told that he was her father, mother, God and guru and she should obey him! A child she was, she had believed her parents and had tried to please him all the time!   She couldn’t understand the reason he got irritated with her on this!  

“Will you please leave my towel as it is? I can very well carry it along when I go to take bath! You don’t need to stand with the towel in front of the bath room!”

“Can’t you, for a change, allow me to take a glass of water from the pot?”

“How many times did I tell you not to wait for me to eat at night?”

“Why don’t you leave me in peace for a few minutes at least? Why are you coming after me carrying things around or asking for permission to do this or that… aren’t you grown up enough to do your own things?” 

For a long time she thought that her husband did not like her: it took time and the raising awareness of her surroundings that had made her to appreciate the fine husband that he was, and had made her to show him still more respect and love! 

It was as though a custom for the men to treat their women as unpaid servants in those days! Her husband had never expected her to be available for his beck and call all the time! He had treated her as his equal! 

Presently the tears had poured down on her wrinkled cheeks: what a fine person was he?  

He had admitted her in a school to continue her studies much to the dismay and despise of the folks around the town. It was not the custom in those days for the womenfolk to go to school for learning, and she was the first woman in her locality to have even gotten admitted in a school, albeit reluctantly! When the situation had worsened, and when the criticism and the ridicule had started affecting them more and more, they had moved on to the city, which was slightly better than their small town. 

Time flew by: they became the proud parents of five lovely children. While she took on the role of the homemaker, her husband took on two jobs to take care of his family.  

He sent them all to very good schools, which was a premium product in those days in India. He had borrowed to his eyeballs to educate them in the most respectable colleges that had earned them of their beautiful houses and the fancy cars, which they are enjoying today! 

Now that they had grown up, it is fine by them that their father had died and after all, he was old and above 75 years and was not feeling well and… 

No… her children are not like that, she was sure of the fact! They are fine specimen of their father and are always compassionate, loving and caring for their parents! They had stood by their parents, never once forgotten to send them their greetings and the much-needed money for their survival! Their regular visits to meet their parents from the various parts of the country, despite their tight schedule should make any parent to be proud of their children! 

It is just that people don’t understand that there is no relationship between the age, the diseases and the life-long love between the two people! She could live with her husband with his old age and his illness, but not without his physical presence and companionship! After all, that is what the old age is meant for… the love and sharing of a lifetime of experiences together!

Now she is in a lonely world, wandering all alone with her fragile steps, her protecting wall had fallen down the previous night, when she had gone to wake up her sleeping husband for his usual nightcap! 

She had looked about her as though she was looking at her home for the first time! People were milling around everywhere and some of them had been sitting around her trying to talk to her! They were telling her something with sympathy and compassion on their tired faces and the truth was that she couldn’t understand even a single word of what was being told! 

Would it be possible for her to throw away her feelings of a half a century of love and affection towards her husband just like that? Could she also think that he was old, was sick and was above 70 years and hence it does not matter if he dies…can she ever forget the past and move on? 

Move on to where? What lies in her future without her husband? It is still difficult for her to digest the fact that he was not lying in their bedroom and on their bed, and was not waiting for her to come and sit next to him, after completing her household work! 

Healthy or otherwise, he was there somewhere in her home and his presence was there with her!  They would drink coffee together, they would go for a slow walk in the evenings, they would watch the TV together and she would cover his shrinking body with a comfortable bed-sheet while he was sleeping… 

Will these people ever understand the true meaning of love even after they celebrate the valentine days, marriage anniversaries and their birthdays together! She could never understand the stupidity of celebrating the so-called ‘togetherness’ once in a year, whereas the ‘life in love’ is a daily celebration of all through the years!   

Come to think of it, it seems to be sort of funny that she too had a childhood once! She does not seem to remember much of it, except for bits and pieces. All she could remember was her marriage to her husband and the decades of happiness when they had been together! The house that was filled in by the sounds and sights of the playing children, their happy faces and the warm smell of the coal and the cooking floating around from her kitchen!  

When the children had started leaving their home one by one, searching for their own life and identity, she never was unduly disturbed nor had cried bitterly for that matter. She had respected the growth and the maturity of the life of her own siblings!  She also knew in her heart that her husband was there for her all the time! She had let go of her children and had realized that it was the time for the empty nest and of the rebuilding of their lives without their children…it was like a journey back to their pre-children days! Only this time, there was no honeymoon and no burning passion, but the harmony of their lives of being there for each other through the many ups and downs of life and the comfortable sharing of their lined skins, dimming eye-sights, and of the balding heads! 

The home was not empty forever for that matter: having settled in their lives, their children were getting married and it was time for the arrival of their grandchildren to fill in their home! The summers became one big and colorful maze of sunshine, children, laughter, films, food and commotion. She never did know a moment of rest, nor she had ever bothered about the modern details like ‘taking the quality time of her own’ or what do you call as the ‘stretching of your feet’ et all! She had found her happiness in doing something or the other for the others and she had relaxed happily, when one or the other of her grandchildren would stand on her legs with his little velvety feet and was trying to ease her pain at nights! 

Her grand children are grown up now and are fine young people! She is proud of them all!  

Presently, things are moving around her. The stunned and stopped days have started rolling again!  It was as though only a few minutes ago that her husband was lying there, his eyes were closed in serene and peaceful slumber!  She had tried to wake him up, but couldn’t! Ten days have passed since her battle with her bewilderment of his adamant form, lying dormant, not listening to her, not bothered about her, leaving her all alone like this…

 ‘Mother…’

One by one her children were ready to leave her house to their own pretty nests, their own social circle of comforts, towards their work and life…

‘Come and stay with me mother…please’

Every one of her children had pleaded with her a million times in the past few days. Her only unrelenting answer was a constant no!

She had understood their dilemma and had tried to pacify them…

‘Don’t worry about me. I will take care of myself’

She smiled with benign understanding at them.  They took turns to plead with her, command and argue with her, all in vein. 

Finally, she stood there, all alone in such a big house; her husband had gone and the children had left for their own homes…

She went out of the house and was walking with unsure feet around her garden: the sun was playing with the empty branches and the big trees. The withered leaves were lying on the ground, gold and brown, yellowish and aged! She knew in her heart that in time the trees would be filled in by the fresh leaves again and the Sun would shine on them; there will be a new season and a new reason to live tomorrow! But it hurts to be alive today!  

Her eyes had filled-in with tears. May be some day, she would find a new strength to live this life with less hurt and less suffering. But for today, she needs all her will power to go through the agonizing minutes, hours and the days. One day at a time! She had slowly walked towards a bench, sat on it and closed her eyes.