Chapter 19 of Stubs & Roses By Irene Dhar Malik, Mumbai, India
RECAP
Nihar feels a little perked up one morning when he discovers a rose bud in a plant he has been watering. But by the end of the day, especially after an encounter with Ila’s mother, he is again feeling very low. Meanwhile that night, Ila finds herself feeling that a woman in white is looking at her from the window. It is an impossibility but the woman looks like Nihar’s mother to her. Surviving an uncanny night, she heads for an STD booth the next morning. She learns about Nihar’s mother’s death from a colleague whom she calls up. She finds herself calling up Nihar’s number but as he answers, she disconnects…
CHAPTER 19
Dipta saw her leave the phone booth and he wondered if it had all been a mistake. He had been on his way back to Mangaon, glad that it was earlier than he had anticipated, and instead he now found himself wondering if it had been wrong to get her into his world if she felt the need to make phone calls on the sly. He wondered whom she had called; it was easy enough to find out and he entered the booth and pressed the redial button. And when the unknown male voice answered at the other end, he felt a fierce kind of possessiveness towards Ila. He felt glad that he had taken her away from the owner of that voice. That man had possessed his Ila for a while, but she was back where she belonged. He hated the society where they lived, which endowed such powers of possession over one human being to another under the guise of marriage.
He remembered that moment in Calcutta when he had laid his eyes on the bed where Ila used to sleep with that man. A neatly made double bed covered with a pastel-coloured bedspread occupied the centre of a room that was done up with obvious care. He hated that room, the conformity it implied, and the fact that she was carrying that other man’s child, hated it so much that he felt a strong desire to call up this man again and laugh over the phone. Laugh at him and tell him that that man’s child was going to call Dipta father.
Nihar put the receiver back almost reluctantly, as if he was severing a connection with Ila. It had to be her; he couldn’t think of anyone else who would call him from out of town and the long ring had announced that the last two calls were from out of town. He stood for a while near the phone and then moved away as it didn’t ring again. He told himself that it was no point reading anything into the calls. Even if it had been her, even if she had wanted to hear his voice, so what?
“I believe you went to the STD booth today.”
Dipta went straight to the point. She looked a little startled but recovered pretty smoothly and told him that she wanted to talk to her mother. He smiled at the lie.
“What did she say? She must have been furious.”
“She was mad, but also relieved to hear my voice and know I am alive. I told her that I would call sometimes.”
“Yeah you should. Maybe you can even invite her over. Women get their mothers over during pregnancy.”
He was enjoying the game now, and she suddenly sensed the anger beneath the flippancy and changed the topic.
“How come you came back so soon?”
“I was worried about you.”
“I – I called Nihar because his mother died – but I couldn’t talk to him. I hung up.”
She looked at him as she said this and Dipta felt so glad for this bit of truth.
“Its alright love”-
“It isn’t. I don’t know why I lied. Maybe I was just awkward telling you. I called a colleague who told me about the death. I thought I’d speak to him but -”
“Its really alright. You don’t have to explain anything.”
Later at night, she was asleep against his chest, as he lay awake wondering about the love he felt for this woman, the love that had defied all practical sense and made him go back to claim what had no longer been his. He had missed her over the years of solitude, during brief physical interludes with other women, amidst the harsh realities of the life he had chosen to lead. He smiled at the thought of how easily she had come away with him, acknowledging that their love was something that could never die.
Tomorrow morning he was going away to Rangpur. Those brutes had raped a ten year old girl and when the villagers protested, they opened fire and killed four men and two women. Things were bad. He wished he didn’t have to leave Ila alone though. He planted a quiet kiss on her forehead and tried to catch some sleep.
To be continued ….
I wish I hadn't started to read your novel. It's hurting me, yet I can't stop reading. It's not just a question of the disrespect I feel for Dipta and his tribe. It's more a question of my inability to understand women. Are the Nihars of this world too uninteresting? Are they worthless? Are they stupid? Do the love they feel for women lack adventure? Aren't they the people who keep the civilized world together? Aren't they the ones who strive for peace and harmony? I feel surprised indeed that Ilas don't look their way till they lose their minds or everthing that's womanly in them, till they have nothing left to make the Nihars' lives worth living. Yet the Nihars live. Their love is so deep, so sincere and of course so horrifyingly boring.
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Even a woman doesn't understand why a woman's mind works the way it does... or is it just a woman's mind? Don't we all make mistakes that we know to be mistakes only upon retrospect? I think at the end of the day Nihar has possibly been happier as he has loved unconditionally. He might not have felt the headiness, but he has felt calmness, a lasting love as well as pain.
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You are so right!
I found it so natural - the initial lying, then confessing, trying to justify ... now I am wondering wjats going to happen next!
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Glad you though so!
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I don't think anyone made any mistake. Had Nihar appeared before Dipta in Ila's life, he would have been rejected. If they appeared simultaneously, it is Dipta who would have won. I doubt that Ila ever made a mistake. It is true that the Dipta's get lost and the Nihars finally survive. They survive despite their status of being the last choice. I don't know if they are happy, but I do think they are honest and dedicated. A quality that most Diptas don't possess. Yet, I have this vague feeling that, the Nihars are born losers. Of course, women marry them, live with them, bring up their families, even sacrifice in a way only women can. But I feel, as I read your pages, that deep down in their hearts, they love to distraction only the Diptas. It is not their fault. It is nature at work. I said it's hurting me to read your story. You realize of course that I am actually enjoying it a great deal. Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt, right?
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I have never liked Dipta, though I agree that he loves Ila. But somwhere I feel his love is conditional and he derives satisfaction from the fact that he is in possession of something that he has no right to have.
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Perhaps you are right in disliking Dipta. A lot of people would. But I also see a madness in him which is appealing.
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Well I suppose I am questioning a rule of nature. It is possible that nature created women to be psychologically inclined Ila's way. They love the Diptas with madness. They love Nihars too, but it's a sort of love that is not too distinguishable from pity. Humanity evolved this way -- can't be helped.
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The Ilas of the world love to distraction, and when caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, are often driven by pity. Yet its them who are pitiable.
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This chapter was a natural...Only that I cant imagine any man loving so madly...but that element of selfishness of the gender is there...expecting a woman to toe to line when he wants and leaving her when he feels...and the fool the woman is, obliges all the time...
Good psychology working out here...
I have always wondered what makes a man fall in and out of love so easily
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It is for sure that the one who said 'woman thy name is capriciousnes' was surely a man, and he didn't know himself!!
Indeed their speed in love, both falling in and out, beats everything.
Yet, this novel has the woman being 'fickle' and men devoted (?)... well, this happens too ... and here we are getting an insight into the 'whys' and 'hows' of it!
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I really do not think Ila should be viewed as fickle minded. She is human. She loved someone and he left her. She readjusted to the reality of her situation, by responding to someone who was pitiable. But she continued to love and respect Dipta, even if subconsciously. And then, when Dipta came back, she surrendered herself to the truth she was hiding inside herself. Nihar was no match for Dipta's attraction, his dashing personality, his total originality. But Ila, being human, could not hide from herself the pity she felt for Nihar either. I don't think there is anything right or wrong here. It's just things that people do. One can't blame Ilas for loving Diptas and more than Nihars. Ila cannot be blamed for leaving Nihar either. And finally Dipta, however selfish and despicable he might appear, cannot be blamed for wanting to possess Ila. Seen from outside the hidden recesseses of their minds of course, they could appear to be good of bad, following social norms. These norms are artificial, man made. Here is a conflict between society and nature. Yes, Nihar is the ultimate loser, given what finally happened to Ila. But he is just a bore. Not worth being born.
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I believe a man can love as madly (perhaps more than) as a woman, but the love is something to attain and then keep at home... A man's love tends to wane once he's achieved the object of his desire. He expects the woman's love to keep growing and accepting his deficiencies. There are - I believe - also people like Nihar, who love truly, calmly, and find it difficult to stop loving. They possibly express less but feel more.
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I noticed several typos in what I wrote. Yes, the Nihars are built just the way you say they are. But are men generally built the way you say they are? I mean their love waning once the object of desire is attained. I doubt that you are right in this observation. Some, perhaps many, men satisfy your criterion. But I don't think men are, generally speaking, simply animals guided by lust. I think I have come across a great many men who would simply love a woman's company, not for sexal gratification, but because she is a woman. They are often built like Nihar, but not necessarily so. No, men can attain and keep the love at home just the way you say they should. Not all men, but many of them, a great many of them. Normally they end up nowhere in a woman's eyes. They tend to be the silent type. They are often too humble, unable to advertise themselves. Lots of products go unadvertised. But they exist nonetheless. In any case, I do not believe there is anything to hold against Ila. It's not her fault that she loved someone more than Nihar. Love is love, right? Tough luck, that's all. I tried to express the way men can love women in three of my compositions. You have read all of them. Incidentally, I should probably read what the others are writing on your novel. I tried, but then gave up.
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I guess we all are - like Ila and Dipta... a little bad, a little good... and I will always have more respect and liking for a person who dares live life the way he / she chooses to - and not the way it 'should' be lived. Sometimes we hurt others, but it is important to follow the heart and be honest. Its of course not right to hurt people but in matters of the heart, it cannot be helped sometimes. I guess you will know men better, being a man... men often disguise themselves well when with women. Also, I notice that men often have wrong notions about women. I am sure the opposite also holds.
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Dipta is turning out to be a very different person altogether. His thoughts for Nihar are so evil as if Nihar snatched Ila away from under his nose! But at the same time he loves Ila so dearly that he couldn't keep away from her, even though he tried! You've shown both sides of him so brilliantly.
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Aren't we all a bit like Ila - a bit good, a bit bad... half lies, half truths and mostly good human beings with some failings?
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Irene,
All your characters are so natural that I feel there is an Ila, a Nihar and a Dipta in each one of us. We all behave differently as per the circumstances. Great chapter!
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There is I guess... in each of us... thanks for reading.
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No, no. There is nothing good or bad. Initially, I started disliking Dipta quite irrationally. After a lot of introspection, I decided that good and bad are human inventions, defined to preserve society. But nature did not define crimes. Nature endowed all living beings with instincts alone. People follow instincts. Of course, I don't say they should be free to do what they like. All I am saying is that good and bad are undefined concepts in nature. I am reminded here about Camus' classic "Outsider". The novel starts with: "Mother died today. Or, may be yesterday. I can't be sure." It's the story of a man who cannot understand man made rules -- definitions of evil and good.
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Of course there is good and bad... we try to argue our way round that sometimes, but these terms exist, even if they are relative.
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I see a lot of debate over the mind and reactions of Dipta, Ila and Nihar. However, I will try to understand them one at a time so that I can keep pace with their troubled minds!! Can't believe I am so late, sorry
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Better late than never! Thanks.
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I see the world "love" used very often in the debate/analysis above. I am not sure what actually is "love"? Is reckless passion equivalent of what we call "love"? Or is it calming soothing presence of that special person called "love"? Coz I refuse to believe that both Dipta and Nihar love Ila. Both of them have completely different emotions for Ila and both of these emotions can't be bracketed under a single label called "love". I suppose the same applies for Ila. Her feelings for Nihar and Dipta are extremely different, and only one of them is love. Which one is it, that I dont know. But I suppose the passion that Ila and Dipta have for each other cannot be "everlasting love".
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But love does defy definition and come in various packages. A lot of people love differently and also one love doesn't necessarily exclude another. Simplistically speaking, you don't stop loving your spouse when your child is born, etc, etc...
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I hesitate to use a word (i.e. love) that I dont understand, for it leads to miscommunication.
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they say that its impossible for a man to understand a woman.... i think not even we understand ourselves. the choices that we make, they things that we choose.. baffling, yet makes sense at some level.
when are we gonna see this story turn into a movie?
i m waiting for that day
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I wish I could... but I feel too lazy to chase producers... am content with my niche group of readers!
Thanks for reading.
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hmm...marriage as an institution is crumbling fast!
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Thanks for catching up Subra.
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