In Female Issues - Am 30 – so what? By Aaarti, Chennai, India
A: Hello aunty, how are you doing?
B: Am doing good beta, how about you?
So, when are you going to give us wedding feast?
A:[awkward and ready to scoot] What’s the hurry aunty?
B: Beta, you are how old now? Must be nearly 30, right? It’s about time; else you will be left alone.
A: [looks around], Hmmm, ok, aunty, I better go now. See you.
B: [flummoxed] Bye.How many times has this happened to you? I can recall atleast a dozen or more instances when all people wanted to talk to me, was about my pending marriage. And why? Is there something wrong with family, once a girl turns 24, they start talking about only marriage? It’s like they don’t have anything more to discuss, they have forgotten all else about themselves and the girl in question.
A girl turns 20, her parents start crawling towards the panic button called “finding the groom”, as she progresses in life, reaching great heights in her professional life, and nothing matters to them but “marriage”. There have been times when I’ve wondered if maybe my parents should have just locked me up in a room. I am sure I would have grown up, only difference being “grown up to become someone they wanted me to be”. There are days when I wonder if anything I do matters, or if my being single is the only thing they care about. Now, I am grown up, too independent, and too smart for my own good. I am sorry, is there something wrong in my being ME, loving my work, making friends, going out and having a good time? I cannot for the life of me understand this concept of “home loving”, “god fearing”. Do those really exist?
It’s a sad world we live in, that is ruled by the society, where our lives are ruled by some invisible norms, which infact have been set by people like us and our parents. Why don’t parents understand and appreciate all that their daughter has accomplished? Why don’t they support their child instead of harping on the “still single” factor? I really don’t care two hoots about marriage, am happy living life the way I want, following my own principles, and heck, I am not breaking any rules here.
What would it take for them to understand our needs, feelings and that maybe they are going about this whole marriage thing the wrong way? Who is going to bell the cat? Or do we girls have to endure numerous “guy seeing” scenes, reject them, go through “attempted guilt trips” from our family?
Parents and family members must be the ones to say “go ahead, live life to full, enjoy, have fun, and make choices when you are ready for them”. Will they? Ever?
good play
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You have raised a pertinent question, Aarti! I'm currently going through this phase myself and can well understand how it is like. I really hope some day our parents change their perspective about "being single". Maybe when we'll become parents, the society will change.
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Hey
Thanks for the support.. yep, i sure hope we can change our society. it saddens me to see how bogged down we get by the "society"...
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A very well-written thought-provoking article, Aarti! I really enjoyed reading it. I was like you, very carefree and career-oriented, enjoying my life. I married eventually, had a son, am now getting divorced and I am now enjoying being a single mother and working on a writing career. We can certainly make our own choices in life whenever we are ready! I support your views very strongly and I feel parents should support their children to develop and grow in every area of their lives (professional and personal) and fulfil themselves whichever way they want. Keep up the great work! Pia
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Hey
Yep, i feel our parents shd support the kids and let them live their life on their own terms...
sometimes they do make the right choices..
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Being happily single myself I detest the prying eyes and the nosy questions. Why don't people let well enough alone? If you single and happy, so be it. Don't let anyone dictate terms to you.
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Take heart, things are always improving. The very fact that you're 30 and unmarried proves that things are better. Soon enough, people will also understand that these are personal choices and no nosey aunty's business.
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However right you maybe Aarti but the truth is that every parent wants that their kids are happily married and ,'settled' and not rocking like a rudderless boat.I have been through a lot and saw my parents suffer in pain and apprehension about my future, safety and well being, being a single parent with two kids. Friends and relatives are there but CANNOT provide the steady support a committed companion or spouse gives. We are ruled by hormones and as we age, we lose all steadily that seems permanent. So in my view if everything is perfect, one should go in for a marriage.I really don't understand this concept of being single and happy!
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What a fascinating selection of views! There's no mystery here; the reason our parents want us to be settled with a good man is because THEY LOVE US. From the moment we are born they fear for us. The world is a dangerous place but there is safety in numbers and they want the reassurance of knowing that when they are no longer around to protect us there'll be someone else who can provide comfort and support when things go wrong.
Most of all, they want us to be HAPPY. The parent (or auntie) is of their own generation. Marriage and family was simply how things were done then. They can't suddenly abandon all those hard-held, handed down through the generations views, it goes against everything they hold dear. Being single may be fine for now, they tell themselves, but what about in a few years time when my child finds herself alone with no one to turn to when life gets difficult? It's hard for a parent to think about that. They will most definitely be proud of all your achievements, Aaarti, but for your family, the biggest achievement is finding love!
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its irritating isnt it? i have a friend who is going thru d same thing, she is 28 and the nagging actually started wen she was 20! Society really needs to grow up.
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I agree (the girls) can lead the life they want with their potentails which can be used in many ways,today ,they should be encouraged and encash on oppurtunities that is available .
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Hi Aarti,
I agree with you completely.
Women specially ,are taken for granted and if they do not follow the society norms then people start questioning their lifestyle or they presune that something is wrong with them. Nice article.
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Thank you all for the lovely words..
well, i aint closed to the idea of marriage, but whats the hurry? why make it seem like my life means nothing just because i aint married.. that is my only query.... oh,well...
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yups!!I am twenty eight and still single and has been facing the same problem since years...not only me my family also has to face the like questions! This is all so frustrating..after reading your post I am feeling lil' relax as I now know its not me alone.Thanks!!
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