Neil was walking back home from tuitions. It was 7pm and the sky was getting dark but she still liked her routine of walking home every evening though she'd always be in a hurry to reach her place. It looked tedious to others who stayed near her house and would use their bikes to come to and fro. But she liked the evenings when the air would always be a little nippy and all the big buildings and the neon boards would light up. It filled the empty space inside her, she felt. She walked really fast, so fast that even though her house was at a distance, she'd reach there in a record time of five minutes. Her tuitions were located in a commercial area and the place was always bustling with people coming and going, students entering and leaving. The roads were always full of commuters going back home, young people like her on their bikes and in their cars heading towards food joints to grab something to eat and catch up on their day so far. Sometimes she would also join in with her batch mates if they invited her. But most of all she loved her walk home. She ignored the eve teasers on their vehicles and foot. She had learned to do that a long time ago, when she was 13 may be. That was the age when things started getting complicated in her life. She came to know about her parents’ divorce. Not that she had any problem with it, it was a relief in a way. Her mother made her pack her bags the day her 7th standard exams got over and they went to stay with her grandmother. She remembered writing a note to her father before leaving, "Dear papa, we'd be back by day after tomorrow. We are going to Nani's house. Love, Neil." She found that note on the same place when she returned to that house with her mother after a year to pack up the rest of their things. She confronted her mother there, "Mumma, are we never going to stay with papa again? Or we'll be back here in another six months. Like last year?" Her mother directly said that her father was no good and that if they would stay with him, he'll end up squeezing the life out of her. It was no big deal for Neil, she grew up listening to all this about her father from her mother and grandmother. She remembered one time when she was 8 years old her parents fought with each other and her mother in a bout of hysteria, mauled her father lightly on the hand. He covered his face with a shawl and cried like they did in TV serials when somebody dies. She remembered standing in the kitchen with her mother and looking at her father, puzzled, as to what is hurting him so much and why is he making that funny crying sound. As her mother looked on too with her lips curved in a sarcastic smile. Neil couldn't help but burst in a small silent giggle as she thought about it while walking back home. It was scary then, but it was funny now! Both her parents have been a little psycho from the very beginning, she thought on. When she was a kid and anytime she'd have a fight with any of her classmates she would angrily tell her mother about it, hoping for some wise insight for her to tackle the situation. But that never happened. Instead her mother would end up using small slangs for the other kids with whom she had a tiff with, in her angry outbursts. Growing up, Neil chucked the habit of coming home and telling everything to her mother because her mother would be so tired and worn out herself after coming from office that she would barely pay any attention to what Neil had to say. And besides, she would never understand anything either. But she couldn't be blamed, Neil mused on. It was all because of her father who never did anything for either of them. Once in a TV serial she heard a character repeat again and again, "If my father was not a good husband, that doesn't mean he can't be a good father." She thought about it wryly. With this man, it couldn't be a possibility. When she was a kid, once he sat on her book and tore it. When she told him that, he got angry and said, "What do you mean? What? Did I tear your book?" she didn't dare to say anything after that, she got so scared. He had such a temper problem that very often on even the smallest of mistakes he'd slap her over and over. At 17, now Neil was not even on talking terms with her father. When she was alone in the house and she'd look around at the emptiness of her place, the rickety cot, a rusty cloth rack and a kitchen like it has been set up for camping, she would curse her father over and over again. If he was a good father he would never let his daughter stay like this. He would help mother pay her school fees so she doesn't have to worry about that too. Her mother was in such a poor condition, a room was all she could afford. Neil had somehow learned to live with the fact. Neil walked faster now, this lane was dark and empty. She felt scared. What if someone pulls up from behind and grabs her in the bushes and molests her? She was always scared of this thought ever since her grandmother told her about it. Few years back when she came to stay at her grandmother's house and wanted to go for a morning walk at 5am with her building friends, her grandmother curtly asked her to not to go or else people would hurt her. "What? Why?" Neil asked, she was curious. "They make you their woman." Her grandmother told her. Neil bit her lip as she reached the lane where she stayed. She tried to shrug off the million thoughts which crossed her mind. The road was bright again. There were a lot of shops illegally constructed at the parking lot of her building. The place was always noisy and bright. As she entered the building, she ignored the whistling made by the landlord's son. These things came with two female living alone in a small city. She was used to the changing attitude of people around her as she grew up. The same uncles who used to pull her cheeks and give her a chocolate when she was a kid, now looked at her in a different way. They didn't exude the same feeling of adoration that she felt from them as a kid, instead she felt a threat. A threat that she might be desired in some other way by these men. They were not uncle jii's any more. Given a chance they would like to put spices on her and eat her raw, she thought in disgust. She walked on anyway, what could she do? Every woman faces the same danger, from people her own and people outside. She was not alone in this. She knocked the door of her house, making sure the knock was light. A hard knock with the latch startled her mother, she knew it. Her mother opened the door for her with a sad- but- happy smile. Sad-but-happy because her mother was a sad person but she was happy to see her. Neil felt cheerful again. She was a happy person. Though she had a lot of things missing in her life but she felt blessed to have the best of what was given to her. She had a mother who was not perfect but would give anything for her daughter's happiness. She had friends who supported her and made her laugh and she had teachers who liked her and gave her chances to prove herself. Neil changed her clothes and took her regular place on the bed and sat to read the book she got newly issued from the school library. She felt immensely happy just to be at home and do what she loved the most and be with the one who she loved the most. She was content for the moment. She had nothing to worry about for the time being and her mother was okay and making tea for her. She didn't need anything more maybe, she thought as she started the book. So what if she didn't have what others had? She would make a start. She would reach somewhere someday. Everyone has to do this for themselves. But right now, she would just sit and read.                                            *** The End ***