Where Motherhood is an Enigma By Suneetha, Trivandrum, India
Bhavani teacher is 66, and still in search of her evasive motherhood.
Her life has been a series of most extraordinary episodes. She married at 18, and lost her husband to cancer after 22 years of a childless marriage. Her intense desire to bear a child led her to another marriage in her forties. Fate tricked her there too, the marriage was again child less. Then in a filmy move, she persuaded her husband to marry another time just to get a baby of her own. He obliged and soon the new wife conceived. But when the new baby was born, Bhavani teacher was denied all access to the child. Her resolve to be a mother should have ended there, but Bhavani teacher was made of sterner stuff. She took a brave step and conceived a baby through the test-tube method.
The child named Kannan, or Sai Suraj after her favorite Sai Baba came to her on 12 April, 2004 and was headline news for being born to a sexagenarian single parent, no small thing in India. The sheer joy with which Bhavani teacher accepted her motherhood brought a tear to many an eye. But the joy was not to last.
Fate interfered with the now lullaby filled life of Bhavani teacher once again on February 11, 2006 when Kannan died in a freak accident by drowning in a large bucket of water at his own home. Bhavani teacher was inconsolable and she gave herself up to Sai Bhagwan’s devotion. But her dreams of motherhood remained a burning spark in her. Bhavani teacher soon went back to medical science for help. She does not disclose details of her medical quest for motherhood, but is getting herself ready to bring Kannan back to her life once more. She keeps her small earnings apart for the treatment she is now undergoing to be blessed once more with motherhood. Bhavani teacher was seen treading the 1600 plus steps of the Jeevan Dani Matha temple at Mumbai as a penance and the media is curious about this ‘mother destined’ once more. It is hoped that the Mumbai Mother will bless her soon.
In direct contrast were two bits of news flashed in the media last week, again connected with babies and parenthood. Baby Khushi in Mumbai and an unnamed girl baby in Chennai were rejected by their biological parents because they were mere girls. In both cases, the parents argued they had had boys and were tricked into believing that they had had girls. Even the DNA test couldn’t convince them. In fact they were looking for reasons to reject the baby rather than accept it. One couple have just disappeared from the scene, while the other keeps lamenting their fate.
The mothers mentioned here stand at the two ends of a spectrum, ranging from mercy to prejudice. One mother yearns for a child while another rejects it. Both the mothers are no extraordinary specimens, but just ordinary Indian woman. Ordinary Indian woman, who has learned to reject her own blood!
I wonder if Bhavani can actually do justice to a young one any more. Shouldn't she have tried adoption? As for the ones who disown their own newborns, I wonder under what kind of social pressures they live... to be so dehumanized.
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Suneetha, you bring into perspective an issue that rules the life of every Indian: offspring. The value we attach to it is so lopsided so often that we fail to understand what is and what is not. Bhavani mother could have, as Irene says, thought of adoption. It is no less trying an experience than having your own child. At the same time, the mothers who reject may have different reasons for doing so, for no woman is capable of such rejection unless it is under duress or due to again, a lopsided view of motherhood, gender, etc.
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yeah....even i thought why she didnt go for adoption...there are so many little ones who wud love a home and a mom..but I guess we cant be judgemental in anything...everybody has his reason for doing what they do...and I dont expect anyone to understand my viewpoint...which is drastic as it is anyway..
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Of course one can't be judgmental... we all have our own weak spots, but I wish more people considered adoption as an option when they cannot have a biological child.
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I agree with irene
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Exactly what is happening all across the country. On one side, there are people who want to become parents...but for reasons, are denied the wish. On the other hand...there are those who kill their own children for the want of male children. Sune...have you read 'disappearing daughters'...?
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I find that title familiar...but cant place it...tell me more?
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Yes Suneetha, motherhood is truly an enigma. Women who shower all their love on daughters and inflict atrocities on daughters-in-law are also mothers! Great blog!
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when will this ever end ... and its not just here, but all over the world.
Good title, shall emlist yr help on titling!
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very true Suneetha, its only when you don't have a child do you realize the gift of a child and its a pity that even women who know how wonderful it feels to be blessed with motherhood, they discard their beautiful girls for a lopsided social norm.
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Just wondering that her destiny is not allowing her to enjoy the bliss of motherhood. We can never understand the ways of Karma. And yes, those who throw their babies out, are inhuman, what ever their circumstances.
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Well put.
Traditional Indian women even today frown at the birth of a girl. There are many families who prefer not to marry their boys to girls without a brother. Sounds crazy but is very true. Motherhood or lack of it can inspire unjustifiable actions and can at times end up breaking up relations.
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i am surprised how even the DNA test failed to convince them. It is ridiculous to reject one's own blood, whether boy or girl...But as long as women like our heroine exists, there is no fear for orphan kids.
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An issue close to my heart...Thanks su, for bringing it out so beautifully..
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Maybe bhavani wanted to experience motherhood from the womb itself. There is no denying that pregnancy invovks special feelings.
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JUST DON'T HAVE WORDS TO EXPRESS ON READING WHAT BHAVANI TEACHER IS GOING THROUGH.
ITS EASY FOR US TO PUT IN OUR COMMENTS. ONLY SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS GOING THROUGH..SHE EVEN TRIED SHARING HER HUSBAND WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Bhavani's desire to have her own child, is what every female desires. The fact that it is her own probably gives her a sense of fullfillment, no doubt. Hat's off to all those Mothers who go through thousands of apins to bear their children.
It always suprises me to see the way how children are rejected by some and how the others go through painful experiences just to bear them. Mother's are God's gift to us. And we should thank God for their presence in our lives.
Great blog Suneetha
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Hi buddies,
This is waht I find nice about4iw...lots of like-minded people...Thanks for reading pals...
Su
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