“Since you were having your periods, so I didn’t ask you to accompany me. Otherwise I would have taken you to the temple.” I merely nodded after listening to the polite explanation given by my innocent mother-in-law for excluding me from worshipping in the temple that morning. Not that I was sad by it, rather I was happy to be in the cosy comfort of my bed to catch up on the precious morning hours of sleep.
The incident got buried under the busy routine of domestic chores, only to re-emerge in the leisurely hours of evening when I was enjoying a hot cup of tea to drive away the laziness of afternoon nap. As I remembered the reason cited for not taking me to the temple, I felt a bit perturbed. At a deeper level, it meant that I was denied something just because I was menstruating. Thinking along these lines brought myriad unrelated memories to my mind – how once my friend refused to go to Gurdwara with me because she was having her “date”; how my cousin once scolded me for going to Golden Temple when it was “not proper” (as she had described); and how another friend once casually commented that she did not want to “commit a sin” by going to a religious place during “those days”. As all these thoughts clogged my mind, I felt a wave of anger surging inside me. Until now, I never really thought about it that seriously because my mother, despite being a housewife in a rather not-so-modern social setting, has been quite a progressive lady with liberal thoughts. She never asked me to stay away from religious places or rituals during such days.
But now as I think of this topic more seriously, I am amazed how even the so-called educated women consider it “inappropriate” to visit religious places during menstrual cycle. I find the whole idea rather primitive and obsolete. Those were the days of ignorance when people considered women as “impure” during such days. It was considered that they are eliminating something “filthy”, something which is not pure, and hence they were asked to stay away from important religious places, worships and rituals during those days. It was the ignorance of that society that made them think this way. Added to it was the male dominant psyche that derived pleasure in labelling women as “impure” and thus “inferior”. But how can one justify the continuance of this practice in today’s world. Everyone knows about the menstrual cycle. It is something very natural. God has made us this way. Rather it is the very thing that makes us unique. It’s a beautiful blessing that God has bestowed exclusively on females – something that empowers us to create life. What can be more powerful and divine than that? So how can this process be impure? How can this cycle make us “inferior” during those days? Why must we not visit the religious places during these days? Why shouldn’t we be a part of worships and rituals during these times?
As I ask these questions, my mind gets filled with more rage and aggression. To some extent, I can still understand if the elderly follow this practice. Lack of education, Conservative Society, Inculcation of submissive behaviour in women – all may have contributed to such a psychology in them. But what can possibly explain the psyche of today’s modern woman (I don’t know about readers, but I know quite a lot of such women) who is well educated, progressive and liberal; yet she’ll refrain from paying her respects to God during “those 4-5 days”. Such is the spell of obsolete traditions that even education can’t break it. All the women out there, who practice such refrain, silently accept the fact that they are “impure” just because they are menstruating. In a way, they become the torch-bearers of male superiority and female inferiority.
I wish such women wake up to the fact that society still tries to dominate women in the name of many practices. Rather than silently wearing such shackles of tradition, we should break free of them.
Being a woman is a beautiful feeling. (Despite the exploitation and oppression – despite the fact that Indian society still is very much biased against us – despite all this, being a woman still is a wonderful feeling). Unless we the women recognize this fact ourselves, no one else will. So let us raise our voice against this menstrual bias. Let us be free and proud of who we are and what we experience. It’s not a weakness in us, but the strength that makes us the creators of civilizations and propagators of human race.
Oh this is such a pet peeve! Will spare you my lengthy comment...but I was reading a book that said this 'holiday' during the menses practised in other areas of the world too, was originally intended to give women a break. God knows we need it! We can recharge, spend time with other women which is noruishing for our souls, but somewhere along the way it's been misinterpreted as a punishment and exclusion!
I respect others beliefs, but do not practise this in my own home.
I love the way you've written. Kudos
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Thanks Nayantara
Even I've read about this thing - that the original intention was to give rest to women during those days, but the society has misinterpreted it to make women feel inferior and impure.
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A great blog, Gagan! Even in my family, girls are asked to refrain from visiting the religious places during "those days". The elderly women say it's improper to go before the God while you are menstruating and are thus "impure".
I sometimes wish to remind these women that Lord Krishna never hesitated to touch Draupadi and helping her while she was menstruating.
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Exactly Neha.... You know what irritates me the most is that God has made us this way...... So how can God be "offended" by our presence during those days....
Anyway, Thanks for reading
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Smacks of yet another male conspiracy to 'keep the women in her place', doesn't it?
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So true Indrani!
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Hi Gagan, good blog! My daughter feels exactly as you do. I think Nayantara has given the right explanation for it.
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Thanks for reading Mita
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I fully agree with you Gagan. There seems to be no reason for this enforced isolation. However while we continue with our jobs and other activities, many of us would stop short at going to a temple/place of worship or performing a pooja. This is possibly due to years of conditioning and not because some one has stopped us from doing so. What do you think?
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Well written Gagan. While many of us disregard such enforced isolation, a large number would still hesitate or stop short of actually visiting a temple/place of worship or perform a pooja. This is more due to years of conditioning rather than because some is actually stopping us.
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Hi Archana...
The fact that even educated women continue to accept this isolation points to the fact that we have been "conditioned" to believe that we actually do become "impure" during those days... A strong de-conditioning is required so that women can actually see the deeper meaning behind this isolation...
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A well written blog Gagan, something that most of us women go through. Men, even women forget that children are born only because of the periods. No menstruation, no conceiving. So, is it okay to have periods for that but for social ocassions, for religious rituals, it is 'impure.' Hypocrisy to the hilt. Yes, resting is needed during those times period!!
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Exactly true Shail! How can a process which helps in creating life, make us impure? People need to understand this thing rather than blindly following the obsolete stifling rituals.
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one would think we'd have gotten over this kind of thing now, but it still exists; and good you brought it up.
Neha's and Archana's comments too were interesting.
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Thanks for reading Nadi
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As my own way of protesting, I never declared about my periods and always went along to temples even on those days. I though God wouldn't care less
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I'll follow the same method of protest Irene
It's so hard to believe that women in some parts of so called progressive "India" are still isolated and 'abandoned' during those days!
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Gagan,
A pet peeve of mine too
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Hi Sudha
Let's hope that your daughter's future has the best in store....
I can understand how it feels to follow something that you don't want to... I've also been quite a rebel at my place... n sometimes just to have peace and harmony, even I have to adjust and follow certain things....Such is life!
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Gagan,
There is a goddess temple in Kerala which remains closed for a few days in a year because the belief is that the goddess is menstruating during those days, and is considered not sacred to be worshipped. They don't even spare the deities!
Another fascinating fact is that when a girl has her first periods, it used to be a mega event for the whole family, complete with week long ceremonies and feast and gifts, both for the girl and for the relatives, neighbors and friends. But after this initial euphoria, from next periods onwards, it is the same old story. "The Untouchable"! Will we ever change?
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Hi Sandhya
I didn't know these facts.... I am just amazed that they consider even the goddess as not sacred enough to be worshipped during those days.... By doing so, the male dominated society can easily enforce this restriction on women.... and that's how this whole cycle continues... but I guess each one of us at individual level should try to break free of it, only then can we expect a social change in the near future... let's hope for the best!
Thanks for reading
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A great blog!
Have seen in orthodox families--how women are considered to be dirty and unclean on those particular days and kept away from the kitchen and certain areas of the house, it's completely ridiculous how educated women allow themselves to be treated in such a manner.
Rightly said--as women we must enjoy the bliss of being women and voice aloud the injustice meted out time and again.
Great going
Rgds Jess
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Thanks Jess!
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Gagan,
Impure means not only physical but during these days woman tends to be more depressed & may have impure thoughts which is proved medically also...chk it out half knowledge is dangerous
with regards to Lord Krishna touching Draupadi which I am not very sure he doing it physically ...but we r supposed to do not what God does but what God says...this is mention in Gita...good luck & best wishes
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Hi Kosha... Thanks for reading and your feedback. However, I didn't understand what you meant by "impure" thoughts.... Please elaborate so that I can reply accordingly. As far as being depressed is concerned, I feel that isolating the woman and making her feel inferior during those days further add to her depression.... I know a lot of hormonal changes occur during those days, so it's natural to feel depressed... also the physical discomfort may add to it... but this does NOT justify the isolation, not at all! In fact, nothing can justify this bias! Rather this is the time when people should be more supportive... Anyway, please do get back to me regarding your concept of "impure" thoughts...
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Any thoughts under depression is not in form of purity or pious - there is negativity - small or big, even in God's sayings or prayers hence it beomes impure - u know there r so many things in our lives we just go by faith though we may not understand the logic behind it similarly this is age old concept but it is not a superstition which one needs to change -
Isolation is only ltd to this pious places & so also it is not bias... t'rrow somebody has a diarrehha wud say put a temperoray wc in temple... just cos i hve disease which is again given to me by God himself I shud not be isolated !!!
Thanx it is gr8 interaction & talking with u.
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Its a much debated issue, and no society seems to be free from this... Sandhya has already mentioned the Goddess who menstruates... and in my father's family, they still follow the 'sitting apart' custom... none seem to object. I avoid visits during the time, and save myself the trouble.... but this is definitely something that started out in empathy and has become a weapon of insult...
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I agree with you Suneetha.... The intention with which it was started has been lost...
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In my opinion, the system of keeping the menstruating ladies aloof from any sort of family,social or religious works used to be followed in order to keep them in rest,relieved from all sorts of hazards.But in course of time the concept has been moulded according to convinience and such women though left out from a few places are not exempted from any other duty.So it sounds rediculous in present-day situation.
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Hi Manjula
You are right... this custom has become ridiculous in today's hypocritical society.
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