|
Film: |
Kambakkt Ishq |
| Directed By: |
Sabbir Khan |
| Screenplay: |
Kiran Kotrial, Anvita Dutt Gupta, Ishita Mohitra, Sabbir Khan |
| Cinematography: |
Vikas Sivaraman |
| Music: |
RDB, Salim-Sulaiman, Anu Malik |
| Lyrics: |
Sandeep Srivastava, Junaid Wasi |
| Cast: |
Akshay Kumar, Kareena Kapoor, Amrita Arora, Aftab Shivdasani, Vindu Dara Singh, Javed Jafferey, Kirron Kher, Boman Irani, Rajesh Khera, Sylvester Stallone, Brandon Routh, Denise Richards |
This Monday’s newspapers told us Mumbai readers that the opening day tickets of Kambakkt Ishq for some halls were already sold out. When a film is being sold as a hit even before it is released, one starts suspecting that the film will not be too great. Particularly since its trailers have been singularly chauvinistic and offensive. Yet there is always a moment of weakness, when the lights dim, and you hope that the film that you are about to watch will not be as bad as you fear it will be. My hopes led to naught but my worst fears came true. The film, credited with four writers, didn’t manage to arrive at a screenplay before they started shooting – perhaps each one of the four thought that the other one was writing. Or did they think that it was enough to have macho Akki and a lot of half dressed women (including the leading lady) on offer. And of course the US of A and some Hollywood faces thrown in as bonus. Sorry, I forgot to add that they also shot in Venice and they even managed to make that mesmerizing location look gross.
Akki is Viraj Shergill, a Hollywood stuntman whose lifestyle will surely be the envy of all our Bollywood superstars. The villa with a pool, the cars, and the half-clad babes who are just falling over him… why, he even has a babe in hot pants giving him a pedicure! Back home in India, smaller stars have to make do with their maids, and I don’t mean for pedicures. Anyway, Viraj goes around saying that women are only good for two things, and sleeps around as if all women on earth cannot think beyond getting bedded by him. He is even disgusting enough to toss a couple of women out of his car as he dashes off upon hearing that his brother Lucky (Aftab) is getting married. You see, Viraj is anti-marriage, and wants to stop the wedding. Lucky is getting married to one Kamini (a pathetic Amrita Arora) and right after Viraj marches in another anti-marriage crusader. This is Simrita (Kareena), part-time model and (apparently) full-time doctor. Now, since both our hero and heroine are anti-marriage, they should just become best buddies. But Simrita makes it a point to insult Viraj endlessly so that the macho man silences her with a kiss. No, this is no battle of sexes, this is an inane movie which unashamedly treats women as things who need to at all times display their ‘assets’. Even our Dr. Simrita wears inappropriately small numbers and is possibly one of the dumbest screen doctors that I’ve come across. Imagine, she actually wears a dangling watch bracelet watch while operating on a patient (Akki), and leaves behind the watch component of the bracelet inside Akki’s stomach. No mean watch this one, it plays a ‘mangalam mangalam’ wedding chant hourly, offering a few of the film’s funny moments. Alas, there is no consistency even in the way this gag is used.
The watch inside Akki’s stomach is the excuse that the script gives us for Kareena to behave promiscuously, try to drug Akki and of course drug herself instead, sing a seductive number, etc, etc, etc… Yes, the Casanova does not sleep with our heroine – how can she have sex before marriage? Our Casanova actually sleeps around only with ‘gora mems’ and saves our ‘bharatiya nari’ from fate worse than death. On another occasion, he even gives a ‘touching’ speech while accepting an award as best stuntman… You see, his heart is in the right place, only some other parts of his body stray.
Don’t blame Akki. He really tries to be funny, macho or whatever else it is that he is supposed to do in a film. Don’t blame Kareena – she didn’t write that role. Don’t blame the bad music, for some good songs couldn’t have saved the film. Yes, the bad songs do bore you, but it is not as if you can single out the songs. While Aftab is tolerable and Amrita not, I don’t quite know what Boman Irani and Javed Jaffery were doing in the film unless their roles were written by one of the authors who forgot to inform the others about them. Kirron Kher probably strayed in from another film because it felt like I’d seen her doing the same stuff elsewhere. Akki’s Man Friday Tiger (Vindu) moves around with a flask containing a Viagra spiked protein drink and provides a few genuinely funny moments in the film. As for the film, you are so glad to be out of the theatre that you seek instant amnesia. Who won the battle of the sexes? What battle? What film? Enjoy your weekend. Don’t watch this film.
Perhaps our Producers, Directors and Actors need to take a collective pledge that they will not make films without scripts. This film spent a criminal amount of money and it will break my heart to see it become a hit. But considering how sexist and gross it is, and considering it does play unashamedly to the gallery, the box office results might even break my heart.
I would not advise anyone to inflict this film upon themselves.
Rating: 
One Star Out Of Five
More Reviews
Reading your review I got a sense of what the film's producer thinks about women. Obviously, not much. I would have given it half a star. Thanks for the forewarning, Irene.
Reply to this
Half a star... mmm that's an idea!
Reply to this
Aaargh! You really saved us, Irene. Going for a movie tomorrow and wondering if I should watch Kambakht Ishq or New York. New York should be a slightly better choice, what say?
Reply to this
Yes Neha, it will definitely be a better choice.
Reply to this
When one of the actors looks like a horse and another sounds like a donkey, I thought I would be an ass if I go to see this film, and after reading your review, I know I was right! Thanks Irene, for warning us!
Reply to this
Nice choice of epithets Beyniaz
Reply to this
Irene,
The story has obviously been plagiarised, it is nothing but the tamil movie Pammal K Sambhandam and that movie was a huge hit - it was played by none other than Kamal Haassan
Thanks for the review, I do save a lot of money.
Reply to this
I believe the film was 'inspired' by the Tamil one. Was it also sexist... apart from being a hit? I hope not.
Reply to this
Irene,
No it was not sexist and Kamal never threw himself on any women in the movie and anyways I don't think anyone can even measure to the versatile Kamal and it was a comedy riot. oh! yeah barring his Dashavatharam - he has been good in all his movies
Reply to this
Glad to know that it was a real comedy
Reply to this
Thanks for your review. I like reading them more than visiting the halls.
Reply to this
Nice of you to say so Suvojit.
Reply to this
It seems that because of bad scripts so many movies tank, and that we need better scripts to make the film industry improve and be viable. So why was his movie so eagerly awaited? Star power?
Reply to this
Star power, producer power, suspect audience, etc etc
Reply to this
I expected this movie to be rubbish watching the promos. The Tamil film from which it is copied was a very decent comedy. No skin shows, chauvinism, macho displays. They have really messed this up. But as you say it seems to have all the ingredeints to make a commercial hit. I for one am happy with Pammal K sambandam, the tamil version.
Reply to this
Alas Kalyani, you are right... sick stuff often make hits
Reply to this
"..maybe each one thought the other was writing"
Irene, thanks for making me smile.
as for the characters-
!!! speechless, i am.
Reply to this
Thanks Nadi
Reply to this
Dear Irene, I am glad you reviewed this movie, not for warning us to not watch it but for the splendid review that you have written. You kept me splits! It is not easy sounding humorous when you are actually disgusted. Great review Irene!
Reply to this
Thanks so much Shail
Reply to this
Wouldn't agree more with Shail. An excellent review as always. Always appreciate the manner in which you deliver the review, when you are totally disgusted with the movie--hats off to you dear!
Rgds Jess
Reply to this
Thanks Jess... wonder if I am always disgusted!
Reply to this
I am glad I read this review. I am certainly not watching this movie!
Reply to this
Please don't Chandrima
Reply to this
Ah Irene! A good review.Saw the movie before spotting your review.My first Hindi film in years.We were at a mall and needed to wait around for a few hours and this film came in handy!All that you say is absolutely true.But wouldn't you say Kareena's clothes were fabulous? The mangalam outburst at the awards hilarious? And akshaye kumar on the operating table-
didn't it keep you in splits?And well the aging stallone with Denise Richards must have set back the producer by a fortune definitely thats probably why the tickets were 175 a piece! Exorbitant.We also saw 'New York' this evening.A very plausible plot and quite absorbing tho it's purpose -message is made too obvious
Reply to this
Well Sreelata, I have a problem when characters dress out of character and Kareena shouldn't have carried the anorexic model look to the hospital! Yes, some of the clothes were nice. I did find some bits funny but they were too few and predictable. The film offended my sensibilities too much for me to enjoy it.
Did you really find New York feasible? I doubt if terrorists are made like that. I also found it strange that Irrfan and the FBI can pick up innocents but not actual terrorists...
Thanks for your comments.
Reply to this
Irene
I guess we should resign ourselves to the filmdom thinking that we are all dumb, how can they turn out fare of this standard? At such huge expenses too?
I am now waiting for the IFFK, the film festival of Kerala , to watch some really good fare.
Nicely written, Irene
Suneetha
Reply to this
IFFK, lucky you!
Reply to this
Oh Irene, we were planning to go for this movie tomorrow.... I guess we'll have to find another movie now...
Anyway, Thanks for the review
Reply to this
Go ahead... if you like watching films and cursing
Reply to this
Good to read it before watching.Nice review!
Reply to this
You mean you will watch it!?
Reply to this
hi Irene, nice review but your comments got me curious enough to go watch the movie( I'm insane I know) but believe it or not I actually found the movie somewhat funny when I wasn't taking offense to Viraj's sexist comments or wondering why Kareena's wardrobe was so stereotype and skimpy. She looks like a million bucks though. Maybe I've read so many bad reviews about the film that I had no expectations and was surprised to find myself laughing aloud at certain parts. The story sucks but on the whole it wasn't one of the worst Bollywood movies I've seen.
Reply to this
My husband too was saying that all the bad reviews made the people curious about the film
Reply to this