More than a month had gone by. General Kale’s promised visit hadn’t happened. Neither had there been any phone calls from home. The nurses noticed that she kept to herself more often. She was reluctant to participate in group activities. Her appetite too had deserted her. During her sessions with Rahul, she was irritable.

            But there was good rapport between them. He was gaining her confidence. She was beginning to project her feelings on him as a child on her father. Such transference was a good sign and could be useful in bringing to the surface repressed feelings. But days went by with not much progress. The piecemeal quarrying of her mind was not bringing him anywhere closer to the diagnosis. The Director agreed that Hypnosis was in order. She had never been subjected to it before.

            It was a Pandora’s Box that opened out before their eyes. Rahul turned on the tape recorder. He would have to replay her words back to her sometime during the course of her therapy.  She would regress until her fourth year, when Noel Kale married her mother. That was the time when Joy began to make her feel like an unwanted burden – a reminder of her first marriage which she so desperately wanted to forget. Niki had felt the rejection acutely. She longed for her beautiful mother to play with her and love her. But she only received rebuffs. However, her new father was always kind and tried to make up for her mother’s indifference. Joy accused him of spoiling Niki.

            Rahul had got a lot of information on the tape. Both he and Dr. Rustomjee sat glued to their seats during the entire procedure. So much hurt and insecurity had been stored deep down in that young mind. Her sobbing continued for a while, then she slowly shook herself awake.

“Where am I? Have I had another nightmare?”

“You’re fine,” Rahul reassured, “I’m your doctor. Can’t you recognize me?”

            The following day, Rahul played the tape.

“Oh my God! Is that me talking?” She could hardly believe her ears.

She could not believe that Noel Kale was her step father.

“He is the only father I know. There must be some mistake.”

“And do you have a brother? Why haven’t you mentioned him so far?” asked Rahul.

“Because you never asked,” she said. “Apart from my Dad, he is the best friend I have. He loves me in spite of Joy’s attempts to poison his mind.  I think she began to hate me after he was born. When we were children I could play with him only when she was not at home.  And as soon as he turned ten, she put him in Boarding school to be far from my influence.”

            When she was a teenager, Joy began to say that Niki had inherited ‘defective genes,’ and was beginning to show signs of a psychological disorder. Her father protested vehemently, and there were many quarrels between them. Niki recalled a bearded man with a turban and sling bag, who would visit the house frequently when her father was not at home. The servants were afraid of him. He lived in the graveyard and everyone thought he practised black magic.

“I know Mama was telling him something about me. I saw him give her a packet from his bag. I was very frightened,” Niki said, her voice choked with emotion. “After that, I didn’t eat any food my mother served me. It made her very angry, and she even hit me several times. I stopped going to the dining room. She would send my Dad to coax me to eat, but I refused. She never knew that the maid brought me food directly from the kitchen. I was afraid to go out of the house, and only went to College if either Dad or the servant accompanied me. She began to think of a new plan to get rid of me.”

“We must get her married before anyone knows she’s going mad. We’ll wait till her graduation,” she told her husband.

“Niki is too young and innocent. I wonder if she even knows the facts of life,” protested Noel. “Is she such a burden to you? Why do you keep saying she’s going mad? She must distrust and fear you so much that she is withdrawing into herself.”

            But as always, Joy had her way. The maid told Niki that a young Captain came calling at their house frequently, when she was at College.

“He was the suitor she had picked for me – her ally! She had probably chosen him to drive me around the bend,” Niki said.

            Rahul noticed how terribly agitated she became, as she listened to her own words on the tape. She was describing her wedding. It was a fairy tale wedding, and the entire Army Brass turned up for the event of the season. Only they didn’t live happily ever after. Niki sunk into a chair, and held her head with both hands.

‘Poor dear!’ thought Rahul, ‘What a lot of emotional baggage she’s been carrying around!’

“Mother had decked me up like a princess. I must have looked beautiful, as many came and complimented me that day. But I heard audible whispers too. ‘Her eyes are expressionless. They don’t sparkle with excitement like a young bride.’  ‘She looks like she’s only going through the motions –more like a lamb to the slaughter.’ I looked at Suresh. He was young and handsome. My brother whispered in my ear that he was a nice guy.”

“You’ll be happier with him than you are at home. He seems to be very much in love with you. I too will soon join the Academy. So it’s best that you are out of Mother’s way.”

            At this Army station, no one knew of Joy’s earlier widowhood or that she had a child. Niki had cried her heart out when she saw the wedding invitation. She was made out to be Joy’s sister and not her daughter. Her rejection was complete. It rankled for a very long time. The couple was sent off to Singapore on their honeymoon, courtesy Joy Kale.

“You’ll be happy darling. I’m sure you will,” whispered her father.

“Good riddance!” thought her mother.

“I drove Suresh to his death.” She was sobbing uncontrollably. “I thought he was Mama’s stooge, out to prove that I was mad.  Every time he tried to get near me, I used to hit him with all the strength I could muster. The honeymoon was one long war between us. Suresh was too embarrassed to tell my mother anything. He thought I had the honeymoon jitters and would soon get over it.  But it continued for two years. He began to drink heavily and made mistakes at work. He was discharged from the Army in disgrace. I found him dead in the bathtub. I don’t know what he had swallowed. I only knew he truly loved me much later, when I read his diary. What misery he must have suffered!”

She couldn’t stop crying. Rahul put his hand on her shoulder.

“You can’t carry that guilt forever. You must learn to forgive yourself. I know I can help you.”

            When General Kale visited two months later, he brought his wife along. He made many excuses for the delay. But when Niki heard that Joy was there too, she refused to meet her and ran off into the woods.

            Rahul knew her favourite haunt. From his window, he had often seen her sitting on a large stone beside the brook, with her feet in the water. Perhaps it would be a good idea to send the General after her. He wanted to speak to Joy Kale alone.

‘I must admit that she’s beautiful,’ thought Rahul. ‘Niki has inherited her good looks.’

“Has Niki been giving you much trouble?” she asked in her slightly accented voice. Rahul observed her mannerisms.  They had obviously been cultivated over a period of time, and made her quite the centre of attraction in any company.  He was sure she didn’t take kindly to those who ignored her.

“Has Niki been filling your head with accusations about me?” she asked.

“On the contrary, she never mentions you at all. I’d like to hear what you have to say about her. Start from her childhood,” said Rahul.

“Her father died when she was a little over three years. I don’t think she even remembers him. Noel is the only father she knows.”

“How did it happen?”

“It was an accident. He was late for work and speeding on his two wheeler. He ran into an automobile. Death was instantaneous,” she said with a catch in her voice. She brushed away the hint of a tear.

“And you married soon after?”

“Is that a crime doctor?” Her dark eyes bristled like an angry cat ready to spring.

“Not at all. It’s none of my business anyway. I’m only concerned about the reaction it might have had on Niki.”

“I don’t think it bothered her at all. Noel is as good a father if not better. Her symptoms started only in her teens. We discovered she was not always there – sulky, silent, disconnected at times, but sometimes fuming over some trivial matter. Her frequent nightmares kept all of us awake. She just couldn’t get on with anyone.”

“Even with her father and brother?”

“Well - with them too, but mostly with me. She hates me. I guess she feels I should have died instead of her father.”

“But you just said that she only knows the General to be her father. By the way, who is Captain Suresh?”

Joy stared straight at Rahul. Was it anger or surprise she saw in his eyes.

“I don’t know anyone by that name. Has Niki been telling you stories? Doctor, you ought to know better. Niki can conjure up people from her imagination. Delusional characters who inhabit her dreams. She’s like a magician.”

            Rahul noticed that she was clenching and unclenching her fists involuntarily. He moved to another subject.

“What do you think is the matter with Niki? You tell me. Several psychiatrists have diagnosed her as Bipolar disorder. It’s incurable isn’t it? Does she need to be permanently institutionalized?”

‘Or married off again for convenience,’ he thought.

“Even severe cases of mental disorder can be controlled with medication and some tender loving care. They don’t need to be institutionalized.”

He had formed his own impression about Joy. She was cold and unfeeling and was totally unconcerned about Niki’s welfare. She just wanted the girl out of her sight.

“Would you like to spend some time with Niki? I’ll ask the nurse to take you to her.”

                                                                     ...to be continued