It’s very difficult to think of a homemaker who would not have faced such a question. One can imagine only too well her seething frustration on hearing it. The very word ‘housewife’ conjures up visions of a lady whiling away the hours in non-productive activities while her ‘working’ counterpart is engaged in multitasking at various fronts and bringing home a fat pay packet to boot. It is indeed strange to see that during the past few decades the term ‘non-working’ has been used with reference to the homemaker. In actual fact this phrase is an absolute misnomer if one were to consider the endless round of household chores that the homemaker has to perform everyday. By what stretch of imagination can she be considered a ‘non-working ‘woman? Another term used to describe a homemaker is ‘non-earning member’. Is a fat salary the sole criterion for judging her role in society?
It is dead wrong to assume that a homemaker has time hanging heavy on her hands. Though the task of keeping a home is a challenging one, it is looked on with all superciliousness. The job has become even more demanding these days owing to the difficulty in getting a reliable domestic help. The homemaker with school-going kids would find the going really sticky. Once she is through with the various chores such as cooking, cleaning, washing and swabbing, it’s time for the kids to return home from school. The afternoon just vanishes in looking after their needs and the evening brings its own round of chores.
Working mother/ ‘non-working’ mother
The working woman certainly deserves all admiration for adjusting her day successfully between home and office. There cannot be two opinions on that. This brings to mind a story about a group of schoolgirls discussing what each girl’s mother does. One mother was a music director, another was a journalist and so on. Among these children there was a girl whose mother was a homemaker. This girl listened as her friends narrated, in turn, their mothers’ achievements with pride. She was at first nervous about how she would list her mother’s accomplishments when her turn came. But when she thought about her mother, she felt a surge of pride within her. When she had to describe her mother’s work, the words just rolled easily off her tongue. She spoke glowingly about how her mother was a source of joy for her, how she would wait for her to return from school, how she could transform her sadness into happiness, and that her home was a haven for her. Her friends’ initial pitying looks turned to admiration and even jealousy, by the time she had finished her narration. Her mother’s love was far more priceless to her than a hefty pay packet.
Definitely, one cannot help admiring the working woman for whom the domestic chores would be doubly challenging. Moreover, hiring a domestic help would bring in its own risks. If her children are of school going age or even younger, she would definitely need the help of elderly relatives in caring for them. However, no one can replace parents when it comes to spending quality time with children. It’s no one’s case that a woman should not contribute toward keeping the home fires burning. One cannot overemphasize the importance of providing all material necessities for the growing child. But the contribution of a home-staying mother should be valued just as much.
It’s not just her children who take up a homemaker’s time. Various household chores also involve a good deal of time. After all, these jobs don’t get done by themselves. It goes without saying that hers is a 24-7 job. Just imagine what the state of matters would be if she too demanded a weekly off!
A homemaker’s job is often described as a ‘thankless’ one, but this occupation carries its own intangible rewards. One cannot overestimate the pleasure that she gets on seeing her house spic and span after she’s through with the effort involved. She feels on top of the world when her family and friends relish the latest delicacy turned out with so much love and labor.
Empty nest or new world
The homemaker may be warned by well-meaning friends that she would definitely be at a loose end when her children grew up and left home. However viewed in proper perspective, there are very definite advantages to her position at this stage. In fact, she becomes a highly privileged person. A whole new world opens up before her. Neither is she confined to the four walls of her home nor is she chained to an office desk. She is at perfect liberty to pursue those interests which she had kept aside during the earlier years. Gardening is among the most rewarding pastimes that one can think of. Even if one is living in a flat with limited space, potted plants can brighten up the home. The internet brings in endless possibilities and opportunities for freelance writing, online editing and so on. If she wants to start working, at that stage in life, she can opt for that. But she should resolutely avoid comparing herself with her contemporaries who had never had a break in their careers and consequently are in far higher positions. Such comparisons will bring her nothing but misery.
It is also at this stage that a homemaker can develop new interests. She could, for instance, learn a new language or go in for a computer course. Or she could opt for social work. Books could be boon companions for those who love reading. Just imagine the pleasure they would get in visiting a book fair or browsing in the library! The possibilities of spending time gainfully are endless.
It is at this golden stage that the homemaker can afford to pay attention to her own health, or for that matter, her own looks. There is nothing wrong in it. Why should anyone fault her for her privileged position? If she is enjoying her life, without infringing on others’ happiness, there no need for her to feel guilty. At no point in her life should she be made to feel that she has nothing to contribute to society. A happy person is an asset to the society and home. A person with a negative outlook would not only lead a miserable life, but would also make others unhappy. A happy home is one where there is a cheerful homemaker.
Yes. I agree with the views. A lady should not be judged by what she contributes monetarily to the home, or to society for that matter, but should also be judged on the basis of her "non-material" contribution.
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Thank you. I wish that more people thought this way.
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Somehow, I've never understood this debate between the two parties. I find that I may work 'outside' the home...but I am as much 'Housewife' or 'homemaker' or whatever one terms it these days...and I love it!
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Thank you for your comment. The point under discussion here is the unfortunate perception of the housewife/homemaker as a ‘non-worker’ just because her occupation does not bring in remuneration. She can be a much more productive person than even her office-going counterpart. There have been certain instances of working ladies whiling away their hours in office instead of attending to their duties. Just a few years ago, a senior govt. official in Delhi conducted a surprise check of govt. schools. He was shocked to see the lady teachers knitting away to glory instead of teaching the children. I personally know of a senior professor who used to do her children’s homework during office hours.
I would like to stress the fact that they certainly do not represent the majority of the office going women. But, when you come across such people who are no better than parasites, don’t you feel that a homemaker’s work is far more productive and respectable? Actually it is difficult to come across a woman, or even a man, who does not perform some domestic work, but if the woman’s work does not involve her going out and bringing in a salary, then she is described as ‘whiling away her time’. Even if the homemaker chooses to laze around, she is not cheating the society.
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I remember Dr. Phil saying that a housewife's work is actually two careers in one. Being a full-time working woman I still agree with Mita. I think the career woman factor is somewhat overblown and over-rated.
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Very true. But I still feel that the career woman deserves all appreciation for managing two fronts so successfully.
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Having worked for 12-15 years after my last child was old enough to leave school(to go to IIT), I can appreciate both sides of the question.Being a good housewife lies in one's genes.You shall be one whether you are working outside or not.Whereas a lady staying all the time at home might still be a lousy housekeeper.
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My reply had not been posted earlier so I will repeat it:Very true.But its a thousand pities that a housewife's occupation is looked down on because it does not carry monetary rewards.
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My better half is a housewife or a homemaker as you describe. I get furious, when some of my colleagues, who have working wives, ask this question to my wife. I know that my wife, who does not go out and bring home salary, actually works more than me. I have always felt like telling my colleagues that such a question is not a polite one. But I have never told them so, as mostly such questions are posed to my wife when they come to my house as guests, for a party or for any other purpose. I do not know how to be rude to a guest. Through her supreme sacrifice, my wife has ensured that I am happy, my child is happy, and that we have a happy home. If someone is not capable of understanding that, or incapable of appreciating it, what can I do. But I sincerely feel that people, especially men with working wives, should not pose such questions to homemakers.
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Before I reply to what Kumar has written I need to let Padma know that I am responding to your article separately. With your permission I am giving Kumar a reply.
Hi Kumar,
Firstly, I am very happy that as a man and husband you appreciate your wife's sacrifice and efforts to make your home a happy and comfortable home.
It is nice to hear of men and husbands who are really appreciative of their homemaker-wives' efforts.
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Dear Shail,
Thank you for your comments. It was in fact my wife who saw your comments first, and she was thrilled to read it. She has requested me to thank you on her behalf also.
Thanking you once again.
Kumar
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Hi Agree with the author. I remember an incident when one of my father's colleague referring to my mother (in her presence) as my father "does she work?". Not only was it rude that she (this colleague) did not address my mother, but even the way she had addressed the question was unacceptable.
Yes, women are making great strides across careers. But this accomplishment is not an excuse to look down on women who are successful home makers. This just might be another unfortunate case of one step forward and two behind.
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Hi Agree with the author. I remember an incident when one of my father's colleague referring to my mother (in her presence) as my father "does she work?". Not only was it rude that she (this colleague) did not address my mother, but even the way she had addressed the question was unacceptable.
Yes, women are making great strides across careers. But this accomplishment is not an excuse to look down on women who are successful home makers. This just might be another unfortunate case of one step forward and two behind.
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If everyone does what makes them happy and lets others do the same, without commenting, the world would be a much better place! Nice blog, Padma.
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Thank you Beyniaz. I heartily agree with you.
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An enlightening blog.
My mother was a "homemaker" - (this term is preferred by many to "Housewife" even though both mean the same thing) and so is my wife. I am proud of both of them. My mother had the unenvious task of looking after the household, with us eight children - she was an expert finance manager, and she used to save money from her monthly budget to buy something durable for the home - with so much of responsibilities and almost no time, she still managed to instill good values in ALL her children. She taught us, not just lessons or language, but many wonderful things (even cooking!) She took special care of my sister since she was the only girl among eight children - When I think about it, I still wonder how she managed all this. After my father passed away, she assumed the responsibilities of the entire family as the head of the family, admirably for more than 25 years. If my entire family is what it is today, I can proudly say, it is because of my Mother, who was, a HOME MAKER.
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Thank you Mr. Om Prakash. It felt really good to read your comment.
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Yes I do agree that a homemaker is generally underrated.
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Thank you so much. Pity but its really true. And yet society simply cannot do without home makers.
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While reading yr article I could not help my self choking in empathy towards my better half. Because of the nature of my transferable job , in spite of requisite experience & qualification, she could not become the so called "working women" , but fortunately transformed into a charming superwomen, reasons best described in yr article.Having realised the privilege of having an easier job at home, I answer with pride to the obvious questions posed by my acquaintance with a smile and enjoy the envy on their face.Yr article shall surely give a booster doze to my spouse as well who has now started to enjoy the many hidden advantages, like for instance going on a beautiful vacation with me, without applying for leave
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Mr. Amit ,I must begin with all apologies for having typed your name wrongly. Thank you for your lovely response. There are definitely many plus points to being a home maker. She can choose to do what she likes with her time as she is answerable to no one.
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Cannot but agree with you Padma. Yes, the homemaker tag does tend to be underrated. Whatever a homemaker(that is, a person not working at all outside) does, it does not seem enough to make most people happy. She appears to be some incomplete, insecure figure before the scores of working women. I wonder why people have such perceptions.
In the same tone I would also like the world to be slightly kinder to the working women who balance work and home. Its not as if they are doing an easy job either.
Nice article Padma!
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Thank you Shail.It looks as though women,whether home makers or office-goers, get the rough end of the stick.
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Thank you Mr. Anil for your lovely response. There are definitely many plus points to being a home maker. She can choose to do what she liokes with her time as she is answerable to no one.
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Working outside home as a career woman is considered a sign of success, and a sign of intellect. Sad bu true.
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The actual truth is that the home maker has far better opportunities to read a lot and enrich her mind while the career woman may not always be in a position to do so as her time is committed.
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A home-maker or a career woman-cum-home-maker, either ways it is mostly the woman who works... almost endlessly,
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Very true. Could’nt agree with you more.
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Bravo! A compelling presentation in favour of the Home Ministers!
Society does tend to look down on women who do not have a 'conventional' job.
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Everyone knew the importance and the value but they take it for granted so don't admire in front of her and don't even encourage her as she is the only person who understand the needs of every individual of family and fulfill it before they give words to it. But now as we have realized so lets do that.I was also a working woman but due to son's ill health I am at home, once in a workshop I introduced myself as home engineer and it was much admired by everyone and encouraged.
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