Is Paternity Leave A Necessary Requirement?
There were times when fathers lingered just outside the delivery room to know of the happy news about the birth of their ‘very own child.’ Some even worked in far off places and were informed about the ‘good news.’ But times have changed. Today, women appreciate it when their husbands are with them supporting them through the pre-natal and post natal process of motherhood. It is a pleasure to also see would-be fathers and just-become fathers being enthusiastic about the whole process of a child being born in the family. Women having given birth to the babies are naturally given maternity leave (paid and un-paid when it extends the usual leave period). But gradually, over time, even this maternity leave seems too less a time when it comes to managing a new born baby apart from taking care of other tasks at home. Paternity leave here comes as a welcome boon for many couples and families. But, the law in India regarding paternity leave is not uniform. While some agencies give it, many don’t. So, seeing that new mothers are anyway managing without paternity leave and without the physical support of their husbands, do you think that paternity leave does any good? Is it a necessity? Is it a boon or a bane considering the fact that for many women managing baby, self, home, hearth and husband does not actually become a convenient situation?
Flexibility of Paternity Leave
Today, many organizations are granting paternity leave to would-be husbands in order to help them assist their wives. Some are given a week or 14 days. But, unfortunately, unlike in some foreign countries, there is no one uniform law that can force an administration to grant paternity leave to a father. There are cases where a would-be father (if he is really concerned) has to make use of saved leave for this period. Even pitiful is the state when organizations do not grant any leave, paid or unpaid for the immediate post natal period.
For long, giving birth and taking care of a baby has been considered female domain. Leave the fact, that the male is instrumental in getting that seed germinated! When it comes to taking care of the new born baby, changing nappies, putting the baby to sleep, seeing to it that all the physical requirements of the baby is concerned, it is the woman’s role! I will not say that it is donkey’s work because all these little tasks go a long way in bonding mother and child. But, I would be denying facts if I were to say that the tasks are not exhausting and sometimes even frustrating. So, the mother does all the work while father dear comes home after work to cuddle up to a Johnson Powder smelling, clean baby! Wouldn’t some paternity leave give the mother respite? Wouldn’t the father’s presence even help the father to bond with the child, his very own child?
But, not all agree with the concept of paternity leave. Some feel that instead of granting paternity leave, the maternity leave period can be increased. Still others think that a male is not as good as a female where delicate tasks like taking care of baby are concerned. ‘Maternal Instincts’ is something that men don’t posses they say (this argument flouted both by men and women). Again, not all males would like to put their career on hold taking care of little baby.
The period when a new born child is being taken care of can be a stressful period for any mother. If the father chips in, it lessens the burden and also makes the whole process of bringing up baby a joyful one. The added bonus for the father is that he gets to participate in the ups and downs of taking care of the baby. This, apart from the fact that it helps him to bond better and faster with the child.
What do you say friends?
A father chipping in and doing part of the work for the baby is undoubtedly of great help, Shail. As you say, it is unfair that the father come to only hold on a fresh powdered baby... High time we need a more organized paternal leave system too.
Problem in India is that motherhood is glorified and it is not always that 'beautiful'. There are additional responsibilities, and many women undergo post-delivery depression. Poor thing, the in-laws and other relatives don't even consider such a thing to happen sometimes.
Bottom line, a father MUST help out...For sure. And paternal leaves sure are a pre-requisite.
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Nice that you think on the same lines. I suppose all women might think the same. Just hope it happens a wee bit more and gives women some respite and also a chance for fathers to bond.
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Also, Shail, if you allow me to add saying this: we've been looking for ways of emancipating women as "just" mothers and wives for a long time now. Motherhood and marriage, sometimes can stifle the woman with unrealistic expectations. There, if the man too shares the experience, life can be much better. Besides, the baby would grow up without the conditioning of 'mama roles' and 'papa roles'. Thanks.
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Yes, you are right Sneha. Like I mentioned in another comment we need to instill the right values (of sensitivity especially) in our children. And yes, we need to involve the man more in the parenting process so that the child grows up liberated of all chauvnistic views.
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I too agree with Sneha, paternity leave must be organized in our country.
Bond gets more stronger when they are close during such process. Today's men understand it as my sister-in-law got labor pain bro was the first person to know and rush to hospital and was there all the time. Hope soon it would be considered by our government, more awareness is required.
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Nice to see you here Tasneem. Yes, the government must do something about paternity leave in our country.
Yes, some males are definitely coming out to show their support to their families but there still are certain men who prefer to leave the caring and bonding to the women!
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Thanks for agreeing, Tasneem!
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Absolutely necessary, Shail...and for all the reasons that you mention. And you know, some dads have better paternal instincts...and manage babies so well!
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Very true Mita. Some men are indeed better mothers er er sorry fathers! If only this paternity leave thing was more organized and compulsory!
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The facility of paternity leave is available in government offices. But many staff are availing this leave sometimes even after few months of child's birth. It purely depends on the individual whether the leave is going to be of any help to the mother. Some persons rush to help even though they are not given paternity leave. Whereas others may give more trouble after taking official paternity leave.
In western countries, husband is encouraged to be present at the time of delivery, so that he understands the pains & difficulties faced by a woman. Men must provide necessary assitance to women irrespective of availability of paternity leave.
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I agree Hari. Men must be willing to go out of the way to be there for their wives and children when the situation so arises especially during labour or post labour. Those are the times when their assisstance is really appreciated and it also helps them to develop a nice bond with their babies.
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yes, it is absolutely necessary for fathers to take on the responsibility right from the beginning. My grandchildren at US are as comfortable with my son as with their mother when either of them go out of station.
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Yes, Vimala. Right you are. In earlier times, people were not so appreciate of these change in gender roles. But today, it has not only become a necessity but also a voluntary action which many couples go in for. If only it happened more often.
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Men should very definitely assist their wives when there is a new addition to the family. The old mindset, that babycare is exclusively the woman's domain, should go. Recently my niece had delivered a baby. I asked her husband (in a lighter vein) whether he was prepared to spend sleepless nights.I was shocked when he replied that his wife will take care of that. Both of them are working but he expects his wife to shoulder the responsibility of looking after the baby singlehandedly. And this coming from someone belonging to the younger generation !
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That's true Padma. Aptly pointed out. Many of the males are still stuck up in a particularly chauvinistic mind-setup. That has to change. Sadly, many educated people are like that too. As if to say, their work was limited to just sowing that seed!
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Paternity leave is a must. I speak from my children's experience in canada. My son and daughter-in-law have found paternity leave to be a blessing for them and the new baby. There is the option of the mother to attach the paternity leave to her own leave too and also an added facility to work from home till she feels she has to. In this way things work out smoothly!
I'd like to add another interesting thing in relation to getting the father involved in the birth process in canada. Besides the husband being with his wife in the labour room, he is also given the honour of cutting the umbilical cord. My son found this a very special moment.
Another pertinent blog from you Shail.
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Thanks Joy.
It must have been really a beautiful moment for your son when he was in the labour room cutting that umblical cord. He is fortunate and also wise and caring to have taken the choice to participate in that special moment. Pls do tell that to him. Sadly, there are many people (men especially) who still feel wary of doing all this.
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Yes it is sad that men shy away from such a unique experience. I will certainly convey your message to my son!
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A very timely article, Shail.It is important for the husband to be as involved with the birth of his child as his wife is. The old mindset about baby care being exclusively the wife’s domain should go. Recently, my husband’s niece had given birth to a baby. I asked her husband (in a lighter vein) whether he was prepared to spend sleepless nights. I was shocked when he replied that it was his wife’s sole responsibility. I was wondering as to how he could think of such a thing especially when she too is employed. And this coming from someone belonging to the modern younger generation! I like to think that his reply too was made in a lighter vein.
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A really relevant subject. Most organizations, though, do not understand the need for fathers to take leave to take care of their newborns. What a pity.
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Thanks Indrani. Actually, it will take some time for institutions and the administration to wake up for this necessary cause. However, most men must not take this as an excuse to be away from their wives and would-be babies! They can always take some leave (unpaid even) to share in that initial phase of bonding with the just-born child. What do you say?
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We know that paternal responsibilities extend beyond the term of paternity leave. We can already sense some change and find young fathers volunteering to baby sit. Perhaps, as parents we have the responsibility of bringing up our sons as sensitive individuals who do not believe in delegating duties, but in fulfilling them with love and care!
Sudha
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Right you are Sudha. It is the mother that instills values of sensitivity within the son. So, if she makes her child aware that it is not non-macho to be sensitive, to show care, to love and involve oneself in the activities necessary for that little soul, it would be great. Don't you think so?
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Yes, it is necessary. Afterall, the term "parents" constitutes both- mother as well as father.But how many organizations realize this?
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